Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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