dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
