I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize