I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
