How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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