i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
