You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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