Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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