I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
