I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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