Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
then he tried to convert me to islam
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
