Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
