i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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