I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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