Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
