I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
