that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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