...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
