Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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