We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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