it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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