Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize