Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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