i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
