I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
