Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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