Acid is not a monday night drug
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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