While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
