I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
