one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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