I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
