Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
