party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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