OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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