i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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