I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
