So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
