i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
