this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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