His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
