you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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