I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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