i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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