some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize