I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
