The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
