you guys were way drunker than both of me
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
