literally had 100 drinks last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
