I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
