last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize