zippers are such a cool invention
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
