he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
third nipple confirmed
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
