I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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