Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
