Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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