I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
