like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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