Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
