I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
