I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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