he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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