I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
