the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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