erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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