we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
