i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
