Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
