So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
